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Crashing back to earth…

From our correspondent The Lambinator:

Barford, still riding the crest of the wave of their recent form, entered the last match before tour hoping to extend their winning streak. As the evening sun cast ever-lengthening shadows across the outfield, the formidable partnership of Paul Johnstone and Will Perry strode purposefully to the middle. PJ was in imperious form, and set about caressing the bowling around the field with his customary élan. In a contrasting style at the other end, the brawny Will bludgeoned his way to a brisk 13 before getting bowled. This brought the other half of the gruesome twosome, Mr Shawn Harrison, to the crease. Unlike his lover friend, however, Shawn was unable to show any competence dominance with the bat and fell cheaply for 1 attempting an ill-advised sweep shot. Simon Drage joined PJ at the crease, and despite taking 10 balls to get off the mark, soon made merry with the scoring – including, to the shock of all present, a run on the off side. Once medical attention had been accordingly administered, the crowd turned their attention back just in time to watch PJ dismissively swat the ball to the boundary, retiring on a beautifully crafted 33.

Next man in was Will’s “friend” Oli, who didn’t last very long (innuendo intended) making just 1. Simon Morgan played a useful cameo with 11, including running a 3, which had spectators searching for the defibrilator. This may or may not have contributed to his imminent departure. Have just arrived following car trouble, Ben Griffin hurried out, but understandably looked flustered and unable to replicate his recent form with the bat, falling for just 3. The infamous Barford tail failed to wag with Laurence drilling his first ball straight to cover – who rather unsportingly caught it, then your author bravely played out the last delivery without alarm. However, our esteemed Chairman, on his return to fitness, batted as though making up for lost time, ending not out with 10. Barford finished the innings 109 for 9.

Laurence quickly made up for his failure with the bat by bowling the opener with the very first ball of the innings. After an emphatic start, what Barford really needed to share the new ball was a genuine threat, somewhat who mixed control with searing pace. So Simon Morgan it was then. Although he bowled well (surprisingly), he failed to take a wicket (unsurprisingly) and finished conceding 15 runs from his 3 overs. At the other end, Ben replaced Laurence and the change immediately paid dividends with Will taking a superb diving catch to remove the other opener. After only one over, Ben was replaced by yours truly, in order to take advantage of the setting sun behind the bowlers arm. Again, an inspired bowling change as the second delivery drifted out, gripped, span back through the gate to take the top of off stump. Twitter was immediately alive with #ballofthecentury* and #lambdonforengland**.

Unfortunately, from here on in, the bowlers failed to exert any control on the game. Will bowled one over – which observers reckoned was one over too many – going for 12 runs. Shawn (2-0-15-0) made the ball talk – however, it was saying “please hit me to every conceivable part of the ground”, to which the batsmen duly obliged. PJ (2-0-10-0) bowled tidily without looking threatening and Richard Jones (2-0-13-0) got good turn and bounce without reward. Ben (2-0-6-1) and Laurence (2.5-0-14-1) came back at the end but it was too little, too late as WCCS reached their target with 2 overs to spare.

Man of the Match was PJ for his 33, TFC went to Shawn for being a complete liability.

* Possibly untrue
** Definitely untrue

Winning habits

From our correspondent Simon International:

On Sunday we travelled to the beautiful little ground of Alvechurch. It was a new addition to our fixture list and one I hope we can retain for next year as our hosts made us feel very welcome, prepared an excellent wicket, provided us with a superb tea and played the game with a great spirit.

So skipper Griffin lost the toss again, I really don’t know why he bothers? He could save himself the walk all the way out to the strip and the pointless chit chat on the way there and back by just saying ” Tell you what mate, you just tell me what you want to do and that’ll be fine “.

Anyway we were asked to bat and off went Richard Johnson and James Wilson. The wicket looked superb for batting though Richard didn’t last too long, caught by the guy who stands just to the left of the bowler, mid on or off, I don’t know. That bought the in-form skipper to the crease and he and James soon starting smacking the ball all over the place. It was raining 4’s and 6’s and we had reached 70 odd in only 9 overs (that’s very fast for us). But just when it looked like they were both going to bat all day James was gone, bowled for an excellent 37.

This found young Will (with a tear running down his face) out to bat. The thought of leaving Shawn for a while at the side of the pitch was just too much for him to bear (bless). Still the tears of pain turned to tears of joy as 10 overs later Will was again crying as he reached his maiden 50 for the club. I must say that the sight of Shawn running onto the pitch to embrace his special friend even bought a lump to the back of my throat and just for a solitary moment even I forgave them for being a pair of screaming queers, ha ha. Well batted Will.

Unfortunately the rush was just too much for the youngster and he was out next ball. Still he had done enough to buy a jug at the end of the game and that’s all that matters. Next in was International and it wasn’t long before he was registering the longest 6 of the day and chalking up another lost ball -there wasn’t enough time to walk to Shropshire to go and fetch it. Sadly for himself and the people who had paid to watch him put on a show of big hitting that was it as he fell next ball after having played on.

Now don’t forget that while Will was batting and then International the skipper was still there going about his business of scoring runs with ease and after a promise from International that Ben could keep his bat if he made another century that’s exactly what was on the cards. Enter Jake the spoiler and the dodgy umpire not wanting to lose his bat, International. From the sidelines that’s exactly what it must have looked like as Jake faked a run, Ben found himself stranded and desperately tried to get back but a deadly accurate throw and an umpire who was about to lose his trusted Samurai added up to Ben being run out about 20 short of a ton. Another great knock skipper, well batted.

Pete Romyn joined Jake and both added double figure scores to the Barford total before Jake was bowled and Pete was caught. Shawn (Little Rabbit) Harrison came out to bat but you could see that he was still emotionally choked after watching his shadow bat earlier on in the day and perished with a TFC threatening duck. That left Phil Morris and Richard Jones to see out the Barford innings which they comfortably did and we finished on 227 for 8.

That was our highest score of the season so far and thing’s got even better when we all tucked into the best tea of the season so far. Hamilton had just won the GP the Dutch won at football the night before (I bet them at 20/1) and we were unusually in a comfortable position at the half way stage. This was a good weekend but could it get even better?

Opening the attack was Griffin and Johnson and we soon had the home side on the back foot as Griffin struck early removing the dancing around opener. Not to be outdone at the other end the impressive Johnson bowled a devastating 8 over spell which the paying public just loved as he recorded brilliant figures of 8-3-12-3. The home side were reeling at around 35 for 4 after 15 overs. Bowling changes bought Jones, Wilson and Perry into the attack and while Richard made his usual contribution of at least a couple of wickets, James and Will were unlucky with a few dropped catches. Now I’m not the kind of guy who would point the finger or name names as we play, win, lose or draw as a team. But see if you can work this out – sounds like Dawn Garrison, had a shocker in the field attempting to catch the ball on several occasions whilst trying desperately to secure the TFC award, ha ha.

With only 4 wickets left to find the skipper gave Shawn the chance to get himself out of jail by bowling at one end and Tony Timms at the other. It was Tony who struck first with his quicker delivery after setting the guy up. A piece of inspired bowling had left us now only needing 3 more wickets. Tony struck again, we needed 2 and Rabbit needed a miracle. But was it going to happen as the Alvechurch captain mullered one which had 6 written all over it but thankfully for Rabbit the safest hands in cricket underneath it. The prize wicket had fallen and within a few more deliveries a now revitalised Rabbit claimed the final wicket, cleaned bowled. Our host’s were all out for 133 and Barford had notched up another morale boosting victory before we head off on tour.

While having a drink after the game and a chat with the oppo’s captain it was decided that the man of the match should be awarded to Ben Griffin and the TFC be awarded to, wait for it, Little Rabbit. After all his hard work trying to redeem himself he still ended up being voted for. This angered the little fella who immediately quoted the club rule book and sure enough in paragraph 3 of section 2 there is a clause which say’s if a player is unhappy with being awarded the TFC he can demand a vote by fellow player’s from that day’s team on who is awarded the TFC from a shortlist of two. So after deciding it was a straight vote between Shawn and Phil the votes were cast and to Shawn’s relief Phil Morris picked up the award of the TFC and took it on the chin like a true gent.

Well that’s how I remembered everything happening.

Simon International.

Video: Attack with Simon Drage

The next in our video series, he barely needs any introduction.

A run machine, part-time quizmaster, full-time social secretary and the ‘Safest hands in Cricket’, he knows only one way of playing and that’s Attack, Attack, Attack!

Enjoy Simon Drage like no-one else has.

Video: Batting with Sandy Peirson

First in an occasional series of videos highlighting Barford’s team-members and their talents.

This week it’s the turn of our chairman, wicket-keeper, batsman and bon-viveur Sandy Peirson demonstrating how to bat (and get run out…)

2014 Pre-tour Report

On Common Ground

This year saw the recce party’s numbers grow to five as a recently retired Fish ditched his Werther’s Originals, set Sky Plus to record Countdown, and took his place in the back of the Landrover.

Accusations impugning the necessity of our trip (‘You’re just off on a jolly’, perhaps by an envious Jolly?) were still ringing in our ears as we arrived at The Bell in Sapperton. Despite the absence of Alederflower (last year’s favourite) this proved to be a pleasant opener as we basked in the early spring sunshine. Next port of call was Minchinhampton (by proxy?) for lunch at The Weighbridge. Extensive road works made access slightly tricky and are a sore point with the landlord who has fallen foul of the council’s estimation for completion (not factoring in drinking tea, scratching bollocks etc.). The ale is very good and their signature deep filled pies are delicious but be advised that the dining area is small so if you’re planning to lunch there on a Friday you might want to book.

Onwards to Nailsworth, home of our new Sunday opponents the Nympsfield Commoners. The King George V ground is quite a way out of the town and is accessed via a very narrow road, as we discovered when we tried to play chicken with a tractor. The ground is picturesque but very open and I imagine any cross wind will be felt by everyone. Sandy seemed very keen to add the motorised roller to the Colin’s Construction empire but we managed to drag him (and his preoccupation with Viz’s latest triad of characters) away as we headed back to Stroud. The Egypt Mill in Nailsworth looks like a good bet for Sunday lunch (or did from the outside as we drove past!).

Thankfully The Ale House in Stroud is still open but has the same number of customers as on recent visits-two people at the bar and Finn the Irish wolfhound. We tried to see if we could book the adjacent room for our Saturday night meal but the landlord wasn’t prepared to cook after 9.00pm, which seemed a little short-sighted as he was turning down a guarantee of twenty good drinkers. Having said this, the beer is still top notch and remains my favourite watering hole in Stroud.

Hunger eventually led us to Sorrento, the Italian restaurant opposite The Imperial. After a very good meal ‘the workers’ hit the hay to leave the retired gentlefolk to sample The Imperial’s range of malt whisky. I’m pleased to report that the hotel is still very good value for what we’re paying and we’ll be dining there on the Saturday night, with an improved menu from last year.

Finally thanks to Timmsy for manfully volunteering for the transport manager’s duties, and I wish the chairman and his new workforce a prosperous summer.

Pictures courtesy of Mushie Jones (just to prove they weren’t in the pub all the time):

2014 Pre-season Party Update

There was a rather disappointing turnout to the pre-season party where events (and apathy) conspired against us, although the food was excellent and plentiful as usual. Thanks to everyone who supplied food, transport and/or organisation, and our hosts at Snitterfield for letting us use their clubhouse. The kids had a great time in the skittle alley, the larger kids played snooker and as can be seen below the WAGs turned into pool hustlers(!):

Bragging Rights

It’s not often we get the chance to “blow our own trumpet” as it were, especially given the usual levels of performance on the cricket field, but this weekend’s “Sunday Times top 100 places to live in the UK” has afforded just such an opportunity.

Barford has crashed through into the top 100 for the first time, ranked at 57th in the country, and is the top village to live in the Midlands. And the first (and hence, of course, most significant) reason in the accompanying blurb is the “sociable cricket club”, where apparently you don’t need to be Alastair Cook to join – personally, I think we’re more after the Alastair Sim type. I’m also not too sure about the reference to the “thwack of leather on willow” – normally I find it’s the thwack of leather on flesh with an accompanying cry of “ouch” (or something similar) that is more redolent of a Barford summer…

Shamefully, the local rag has seen fit to ignore the huge impact of the cricket club and focussed instead on minor issues such as crime rates, house prices and school performance.

Imagine if we actually played in the village!

Barford Dinner Report

A goodly crowd of players and WAGs assembled at Merchant’s in Warwick to celebrate the achievements of the year at the annual end of season dinner. In a notable change from tradition this was held within a few weeks of the actual end of the season, thereby ensuring that the majority of us could still remember most of what had actually happened on the field of play. Admittedly this didn’t last for too long as the alcohol took hold…

An excellent dinner was had by all before the evening descended into a technological tour de ~~farce~~ force inspired by the efforts of the incoming and outgoing Social Secretaries and the Captain (or the Three Stooges as they perhaps should be known henceforth)

Your hosting dream team

Speeches from the Skipper and Chairman were seamlessly intermingled with slideshow presentations and video links to the shy retiring winners who were (un)fortunately unable to make the evenings festivities, in an amazing display of interactive happenings that left the audience dumbstruck. Before they even had a chance to get their breath back, let alone toddle off to the bar for replenishments, the following prizes had been distributed:

Batting: Will Perry (apparently just keeping it warm for little rabbit next year!)
Bowling: Richard Johnson (mr consistency, except when he wasn’t)
Fielding: Shawn Harrison (the new safest hands in cricket)
Clubman: Simon Hawkins (all round good egg)
Champagne Moment: Richard Johnson (giving up an all run 5 on tour – still p!$$ing ourselves…)
Catch of the Season: Simon Hawkins (frankly I think he was as amazed as the rest of us)
Most ducks: John Lambdon (Who’s backing?)

Apologies to any prize-winners who were left out, but my memory is not what it was and I’d rather lost interest after being passed over again..

Given the fact that he’s probably listened to more speeches than most, it was perhaps unsurprising that Pete Romyn waltzed off with the sweepstake for the length of Ben’s speech (longer than expected as it did include two movies to pad it out a bit – the smart money was on 2-3 mins), whilst Jake Farquar grabbed the prize for Sandy’s speech (ages).

Pictures of the evening’s jollification are available here including a rare shot of Jake dropping something…

Many thanks to Paul, Simon and Ben for organising and hosting such an entertaining evening (although you can drop the raffle of Warwickshire 2nd XI autographs next year Simon!). It was great to have Richard and Lee from Snitterfield with us for the evening, and we look forward to another season playing at Snitterfield next year.

For those of you interested the 2 videos from the dinner featuring Shawn and Will and Simon International’s debut Through the Keyhole performance are now on Youtube (although probably not trending yet!). The links are below:

Outtakes to follow.

Return to Kineton

Barford played the youthful Kineton side for the second time this month, thanks to some last minute fixture wizardry by Simon International. With none of the usual captaincy candidates available, an electoral college was hastily convened at the Joey and Martin Lusby, in absentia, was raised to the position. Could age and experience overcome youth, enthusiasm, lake of infirmity and cricketing ability, for the second time in a couple of weeks?

Martin won the toss and opted to bat first. Kieran Bailey from Leek Wootton had stepped into the breach as our 11^th man and Martin sent him in to open with Sandy. Kieran looked good before being LBW to a straight one, which bought PJ to the crease. Thankfully the follicless master was in cracking form, following a couple of early season disappointments, and after a slow start scored freely on his way to 53. Batsmen Fisher, Lusby, and Romyn came and went in support of Paul, who was finally out in the 32^nd over with the score on 97. The rest of us nurdled a few against slow bowling and a slower outfield, but our total of 131-9 seemed well below par. It was clear that Kineton were pretty confident of knocking off the runs in quick time.

They were soon in trouble, however, in a fantastic opening spell from Richard Johnson who took three wickets in his opening four overs (all bowled). Keiran (6-0-23-2) and Jon Lambdon (8-2-29-1) both kept the pressure up with regular wickets and at tea Barford looked well in the game. Kineton took charge, however, when their Aussie Cooper came in at number 7. He quickly moved on to 26 before being undone by a fantastic ball from Tim. At that point the game seemed to have swung back in our favour with a couple of Kineton’s young players at the wicket. They were stubborn in defence, however, and played well against Hiten’s spin.

After 30 overs they only needed a further 20 to win and Kineton looked favourites again. Martin threw the ball to openers Hawkins and Johnson with the instruction to bowl slowly and accurately. This pinned the young players back as the required rate grew. Your correspondant made a tit of himself by dropping the easiest caught and bowled chance ever, but then managed to scramble a runout. Richard picked up another wicket to end with MOM and jug winning figures of 8-5-10-4 (not to mention an excellent catch) – it was a match winning performance. Tim cleaned things up when Kineton’s number 11 skied a ball to the shovel like hands of Pete Fish – Barford won by 7 runs in the penultimate over.

It was gratifying to win for a second time against young opponents, who have promised to up their game next time….

Following an excellent all round team performance Thanks for Coming was awarded to Phil Morris who wasn’t in the team, but turned up to watch for about 10 minutes before leaving, thus missing the thrilling denouement. Thanks for coming Phil.

Simon H

Barford Cricket Club