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Record Breakers

In the absence of the promised competing match report from the Social Secretary, special correspondent Simon Hawkins reports:

Barford faced Snitterfield last Sunday (24th August) missing our talismanic skipper Griffin, who was off having a baby or something (thanks for coming Ben). With just ten men (including three “mystery guests”) to face the combined might of Snitterfield and long-time Barford foe Tim Fell, the Hares batted first and it did not start well. Jake (“mystery guest” 1), Sandy, Paul H, International, Shawn and Mark Williams (“mystery guest” 2) all fell cheaply to a series of excellent catches, leaving us at 27-6 after 12 overs.

It was down to Will and Captain Morgan to steer us past our lowest ever score of 30-something which they did before pressing on. In the past Simon has played some good attacking knocks but this time he matched some cracking boundaries with a solid defence. By drinks we’d reached 72, with plenty more work to do to make a game of it, but Simon and Will carried on solidly, bringing up a hundred partnership after 28 overs. By now they were scoring freely as Will reached another 50. It looked inevitable that Simon would join him until he went for a big shot and was caught on the boundary for 38. He trudged off looking disconsolate but wait! Spectators confirmed that the fielder had overstepped the boundary and the big little fella was called back with a 6 to his name. He soon raced to a brilliant maiden 50 but was out straight after.

By this time Will had been bowled for 63 and together they had added 131 which is a club record 7th wicket partnership, beating the previous record set in 1999 by John “Smithy” Smith and Stuart Thompson. It was also the 13th highest partnership for any wicket. A brilliant effort.

Your correspondent and Mike Ireland (“mystery guest” 3) couldn’t continue the good work and we were all out for 165, which was far beyond what any of us could have imagined earlier in the day.

Snitterfield started their reply solidly with Richard Yendall and Andy Robertson both looking comfortable, but struggling to score off the miserly opening bowling of Mike Ireland, who only conceded 14 runs in his 8 overs and was put the home side under “scoreboard pressure”. Mark Williams got the breakthrough by bowling Robertson with a ball described by keeper Pierson as “an absolute Jaffa”.

They were still making steady progress, however, and looked strong favourites as they reached 90 with only one wicket down. Great leaders only show their true colours in a crisis, and Skipper Drage made the inspired decision to switch Paul H from the bottom end to the top, thus transforming him from lumbering donkey to glittering show pony. Paul immediately snaffled the crucial wicket of Richard Yendall and then went on to take 3 wickets in an over, ending with figures 8-1-26-5. There was the hint of a fight back from Snitterfield’s Krishna who was 37 not out, but his batting partners became increasingly geriatric as wickets fell, and they ended on 142-9 at the end of their 40 overs. It was a brilliant win based on great performances from Man of the match Simon, Will and Paul.

Before we get too cock-a-hoop I should make a note of thanks to Richard Yendall, who made a game of it by not bowling himself until the very end – had he brought himself on when we were 27-6 I think we might have all been home by 4 o’clock.

Quote of the day comes from Tim Fell – “does that Timms still play for you – the one who looks like Neil Kinnock?”

Attached photographic evidence show’s Captain Morgan’s jug and a rare pic of Mike drinking lager from a ladies glass.

Jon’s Packing

A small but doughty band of Barford’s finest congregated at the Joey on Saturday night to wish the Lambinator “bon voyage” as he departs to the cricketing hotspot of St Helena, where 10 teams fight it out for bragging rights. Hopefully he’ll be returning to the fray after a couple of years teaching Maths to the island’s schoolchildren, whilst passing on his idiosyncratic musical talents and his infectious enthusiasm for the noble game – although the fact that criggit is the national sport in St Helena should mean he is pushing against an open door.

In a tribute to his uniquely polychromatic scoring he was presented with a bumper colouring box (including glitter gel pens) by chairman cum poet Sandy Peirson who had also composed the following ditty:

“The Lambinator”

Your scorebook is a masterpiece,
it should be in the Tate,
And anyone who sullies it
we know you really hate.

Your batting is quite legendary
and it’s really no surprise
That your revolutionary spinning
has won the Turner Prize!

And when Laminator’s fielding,
I think we’re all agreed
It’s rather like Tom Daly
who’s overdosed on speed!

And when you dive as Wicky
and rock our fragile planet
It’s rather reminiscent
of a rather greedy gannet.

So, we’re rather sad you’re leaving-
you’ll be mentioned in despatches,
you’ll have lots of time on ship
to think of many fumbled catches.

So as you teach on St. Helena
with a sad nostalgic heart,
Think of us in merry England
and like Napoleon Bonaparte

Do not dwell on Wellington
Or the Battle of Waterloo
But dream of scoring 50
or taking 5 for 22!

We thank him for his great contribution to the club over the last couple of years (it’ll certainly be quieter in the field without the call of “Jon’s backing” echoing around), wish him well and look forward to catching up with our exile at the annual dinner when hopefully the wonders of technology should ensure his virtual participation at our festivities..

Stroud 2014 Tour Report

Thanks to the Tourmeister for all his hard work in ensuring another stonking weekend in Stroud. The sun shone, the food and drink were both excellent and plentiful, the children were relatively well-behaved, our hosts were friendly and welcoming and we even won a couple of games of cricket.

Tour Highs and Lows

The Tour Highs and Lows (as voted by the touring party, and moderated by the Tourmeister) are in:

Highs:
Weighbridge pies-three day’s food encased in pastry
The weather
PJ running 8 to Timms/Peirson
The chairman’s bowling on Friday
The Egypt Mill-no trouble there
Shawn’s attempts to ‘offer Paul Stacey out’ – the big fella’s had larger breakfasts!
Alederflower!
The Kingswood tea-thanks Mrs Pat
Stacey’s catching
Ben and Jake’s batting at Kingswood
Mushy’s bowling spell at Nympsfield
Affable opposition all round
Suggestions by the Stroud clubbers that James Beaven isn’t in the first flush of youth
The state of the kids
Drage’s anti-Stroud rant (cue video link – sorry better skip that in case the lawyers are watching!)

Lows:
The chairman’s enforced temperance
Sober chairman forgetting his medication (first time I’ve ever been late to a pub because of Sandy!)
Weatherspoons (which goes without saying)
Monosyllabic bouncer refusing to let Richard back into the above
The sour-faced staff at The Rose and Crown
Jolly’s lobster-pink pins
Lambdon’s ice cream consumption
The beer at The Dinneywicks
Beaven and Stacey having to stay at the Premier Inn due to a clerical error-sorry!

Match Reports

These are coming in in dribs and drabs, but the following pithy account from the chairman on Sunday’s fixture at Nympsfield Commoners is available here , whilst the game at Kingswood is now available here

Photos

The paparazzi have also been at it again and again

Crashing back to earth…

From our correspondent The Lambinator:

Barford, still riding the crest of the wave of their recent form, entered the last match before tour hoping to extend their winning streak. As the evening sun cast ever-lengthening shadows across the outfield, the formidable partnership of Paul Johnstone and Will Perry strode purposefully to the middle. PJ was in imperious form, and set about caressing the bowling around the field with his customary élan. In a contrasting style at the other end, the brawny Will bludgeoned his way to a brisk 13 before getting bowled. This brought the other half of the gruesome twosome, Mr Shawn Harrison, to the crease. Unlike his lover friend, however, Shawn was unable to show any competence dominance with the bat and fell cheaply for 1 attempting an ill-advised sweep shot. Simon Drage joined PJ at the crease, and despite taking 10 balls to get off the mark, soon made merry with the scoring – including, to the shock of all present, a run on the off side. Once medical attention had been accordingly administered, the crowd turned their attention back just in time to watch PJ dismissively swat the ball to the boundary, retiring on a beautifully crafted 33.

Next man in was Will’s “friend” Oli, who didn’t last very long (innuendo intended) making just 1. Simon Morgan played a useful cameo with 11, including running a 3, which had spectators searching for the defibrilator. This may or may not have contributed to his imminent departure. Have just arrived following car trouble, Ben Griffin hurried out, but understandably looked flustered and unable to replicate his recent form with the bat, falling for just 3. The infamous Barford tail failed to wag with Laurence drilling his first ball straight to cover – who rather unsportingly caught it, then your author bravely played out the last delivery without alarm. However, our esteemed Chairman, on his return to fitness, batted as though making up for lost time, ending not out with 10. Barford finished the innings 109 for 9.

Laurence quickly made up for his failure with the bat by bowling the opener with the very first ball of the innings. After an emphatic start, what Barford really needed to share the new ball was a genuine threat, somewhat who mixed control with searing pace. So Simon Morgan it was then. Although he bowled well (surprisingly), he failed to take a wicket (unsurprisingly) and finished conceding 15 runs from his 3 overs. At the other end, Ben replaced Laurence and the change immediately paid dividends with Will taking a superb diving catch to remove the other opener. After only one over, Ben was replaced by yours truly, in order to take advantage of the setting sun behind the bowlers arm. Again, an inspired bowling change as the second delivery drifted out, gripped, span back through the gate to take the top of off stump. Twitter was immediately alive with #ballofthecentury* and #lambdonforengland**.

Unfortunately, from here on in, the bowlers failed to exert any control on the game. Will bowled one over – which observers reckoned was one over too many – going for 12 runs. Shawn (2-0-15-0) made the ball talk – however, it was saying “please hit me to every conceivable part of the ground”, to which the batsmen duly obliged. PJ (2-0-10-0) bowled tidily without looking threatening and Richard Jones (2-0-13-0) got good turn and bounce without reward. Ben (2-0-6-1) and Laurence (2.5-0-14-1) came back at the end but it was too little, too late as WCCS reached their target with 2 overs to spare.

Man of the Match was PJ for his 33, TFC went to Shawn for being a complete liability.

* Possibly untrue
** Definitely untrue

Winning habits

From our correspondent Simon International:

On Sunday we travelled to the beautiful little ground of Alvechurch. It was a new addition to our fixture list and one I hope we can retain for next year as our hosts made us feel very welcome, prepared an excellent wicket, provided us with a superb tea and played the game with a great spirit.

So skipper Griffin lost the toss again, I really don’t know why he bothers? He could save himself the walk all the way out to the strip and the pointless chit chat on the way there and back by just saying ” Tell you what mate, you just tell me what you want to do and that’ll be fine “.

Anyway we were asked to bat and off went Richard Johnson and James Wilson. The wicket looked superb for batting though Richard didn’t last too long, caught by the guy who stands just to the left of the bowler, mid on or off, I don’t know. That bought the in-form skipper to the crease and he and James soon starting smacking the ball all over the place. It was raining 4’s and 6’s and we had reached 70 odd in only 9 overs (that’s very fast for us). But just when it looked like they were both going to bat all day James was gone, bowled for an excellent 37.

This found young Will (with a tear running down his face) out to bat. The thought of leaving Shawn for a while at the side of the pitch was just too much for him to bear (bless). Still the tears of pain turned to tears of joy as 10 overs later Will was again crying as he reached his maiden 50 for the club. I must say that the sight of Shawn running onto the pitch to embrace his special friend even bought a lump to the back of my throat and just for a solitary moment even I forgave them for being a pair of screaming queers, ha ha. Well batted Will.

Unfortunately the rush was just too much for the youngster and he was out next ball. Still he had done enough to buy a jug at the end of the game and that’s all that matters. Next in was International and it wasn’t long before he was registering the longest 6 of the day and chalking up another lost ball -there wasn’t enough time to walk to Shropshire to go and fetch it. Sadly for himself and the people who had paid to watch him put on a show of big hitting that was it as he fell next ball after having played on.

Now don’t forget that while Will was batting and then International the skipper was still there going about his business of scoring runs with ease and after a promise from International that Ben could keep his bat if he made another century that’s exactly what was on the cards. Enter Jake the spoiler and the dodgy umpire not wanting to lose his bat, International. From the sidelines that’s exactly what it must have looked like as Jake faked a run, Ben found himself stranded and desperately tried to get back but a deadly accurate throw and an umpire who was about to lose his trusted Samurai added up to Ben being run out about 20 short of a ton. Another great knock skipper, well batted.

Pete Romyn joined Jake and both added double figure scores to the Barford total before Jake was bowled and Pete was caught. Shawn (Little Rabbit) Harrison came out to bat but you could see that he was still emotionally choked after watching his shadow bat earlier on in the day and perished with a TFC threatening duck. That left Phil Morris and Richard Jones to see out the Barford innings which they comfortably did and we finished on 227 for 8.

That was our highest score of the season so far and thing’s got even better when we all tucked into the best tea of the season so far. Hamilton had just won the GP the Dutch won at football the night before (I bet them at 20/1) and we were unusually in a comfortable position at the half way stage. This was a good weekend but could it get even better?

Opening the attack was Griffin and Johnson and we soon had the home side on the back foot as Griffin struck early removing the dancing around opener. Not to be outdone at the other end the impressive Johnson bowled a devastating 8 over spell which the paying public just loved as he recorded brilliant figures of 8-3-12-3. The home side were reeling at around 35 for 4 after 15 overs. Bowling changes bought Jones, Wilson and Perry into the attack and while Richard made his usual contribution of at least a couple of wickets, James and Will were unlucky with a few dropped catches. Now I’m not the kind of guy who would point the finger or name names as we play, win, lose or draw as a team. But see if you can work this out – sounds like Dawn Garrison, had a shocker in the field attempting to catch the ball on several occasions whilst trying desperately to secure the TFC award, ha ha.

With only 4 wickets left to find the skipper gave Shawn the chance to get himself out of jail by bowling at one end and Tony Timms at the other. It was Tony who struck first with his quicker delivery after setting the guy up. A piece of inspired bowling had left us now only needing 3 more wickets. Tony struck again, we needed 2 and Rabbit needed a miracle. But was it going to happen as the Alvechurch captain mullered one which had 6 written all over it but thankfully for Rabbit the safest hands in cricket underneath it. The prize wicket had fallen and within a few more deliveries a now revitalised Rabbit claimed the final wicket, cleaned bowled. Our host’s were all out for 133 and Barford had notched up another morale boosting victory before we head off on tour.

While having a drink after the game and a chat with the oppo’s captain it was decided that the man of the match should be awarded to Ben Griffin and the TFC be awarded to, wait for it, Little Rabbit. After all his hard work trying to redeem himself he still ended up being voted for. This angered the little fella who immediately quoted the club rule book and sure enough in paragraph 3 of section 2 there is a clause which say’s if a player is unhappy with being awarded the TFC he can demand a vote by fellow player’s from that day’s team on who is awarded the TFC from a shortlist of two. So after deciding it was a straight vote between Shawn and Phil the votes were cast and to Shawn’s relief Phil Morris picked up the award of the TFC and took it on the chin like a true gent.

Well that’s how I remembered everything happening.

Simon International.

Triumphant return to Leek Wootton

From our correspondent Simon International:

After all the rain we have had over the last few days it was no surprise that the wicket at Leek Wootton didn’t look a million dollars and the majority decision amongst the team was to field first. However skipper Griffin lost the toss ( again ) and we were asked to bat.

Things could not have started any worse for us as we lost opener O’Reilly in the second over with only 5 on the board. Double the overs double the runs and double the wickets as PJ fell victim to a excellent low diving catch that even I would have been proud of. This bought the inform pairing of Griffin and Henderson together though not for very long as Paul was out caught and we were rocking on 21 for 3 after 8 overs.

It was now down to Ben and James Beaven to steady the ship and get us back on course. That’s exactly what they did with a 50 run partnership before James fell just prior to drinks but not before hitting the games only 6. ( Awesome shot ). At the half way stage we were now 74 for 4.

Beaven sniffing leather

The first over after the restart was not a good one for us as skipper Griffin fell to another catch but he had again batted superbly for his 38. This bought two new batsman to the crease in the form of Drage and Stacey and both sent a message of intent to the oppo by hitting 4s with their first deliveries. Some big hitting especially by Stacey saw the runs beginning to mount up and Wootton’s quickies were reintroduced into the attack.

Attack, attack, attack with Paul Stacey

Drage took one in the rib/kidney area and struggled to breath then Stacey went down like he had been shot and tore a leg muscle. Both refused to leave the field and with true bulldog spirit continued to fight on, though we did need the help of Paul Henderson acting as a runner for the crocked Stacey. More runs were added to the score before both fell to catches within a couple of balls of each other. A 72 run partnership was just what the doctor ordered and we were now on 149-7 with eight overs remaining.

Almost a Dunn deal

Dunn and Sherratt stepped up and took over and Andy was unlucky with one which kept low but unfortunately was dead straight. This saw Tim take to the middle and with him some of the form he found in the pre season nets. Some lovely shots were played including a cracking 4 before being bowled by another pitch assisted delivery. Last man Richard Jones joined Gary and the pair added a few more potentially vital runs before our innings finished on 181-9.

Was 181 going to be enough? We would have preferred to of gone past 200 but the wicket was very unpredictable for us so if it remained the same for them it could be quite interesting. We knew we would have to bowl and field very well but we did it last week so why not again?

Was 181 enough? Yes.

The attack was led by Sherratt and Beaven and although there were a few near misses and a dropped catch the batsmen seemed to be getting on top and at 35 for none after 7 overs it wasn’t looking too good for us. If only one of them would play at a wide one and knock the ball straight to Gary Dunn, we would have our first wicket.

The bowling change bought Jolly and Griffin into the attack and it didn’t take long to pay off. Ben getting an LBW decision at one end and then Tim getting one at the other. Both bowlers excelled and delivered devastating spells. Leek Wootton just couldn’t score any runs as Tim bowled 4 maidens on the trot including a wicket one while Ben was taking wickets with ease including a hat-rick opportunity.

Gary Dunn and Paul Henderson came on and did everything apart from take three wickets each as the batsmen of Leek Wootton just did not know what had hit them. In his final over Gary got his just rewards when clean bowling their number 10. It was now down to the master of spin Richard Jones or replacing the injured Paul Stacey, the club’s new stand in enforcer Simon Drage to take the final wicket. While Richard had them guessing what he was going to do next it was the enforcer who took the match winning wicket. After lulling the poor guy into a false sense of security by bowling two slower ~~deliveries~~ pies the following quick one totally caught him out and he popped up a dolly catch to the man of the match Ben Griffin.

We had got them all out for only 83 runs in 27 overs. Like the week before it was another fantastic all round team performance with everyone playing a part. Sadly we couldn’t ask our opposition for their vote on the man of the match and the TFC as none of them stayed for a drink after the game. So we awarded them to Ben for his 38 runs and 5 wicket’s and one catch and Chris O’Reilly for nominating everyone else in the team. Does that sound about right Chris ???, ha ha.

Well that’s how I remembered everything happening. Well played guys.

Simon International.

(More photos here)

Win after win after win…

From our correspondent Simon H:

It’s not often that I find the need to report on 2 tremendous wins in a row, but the Barford Hare is truly on a roll at the moment and tonight he notched up another victory, against coach Paul Smith’s Wardens Classics.

It must be said that things didn’t start well when our in form, talismanic club skipper wasn’t able to make the start of the game. With some nifty negotiations by the midweek captain Drage, it was agreed that spectator Paul Henderson could have a bat, before leaving in order to take Thomas home for his bedtime. Thomas did not have a late night.

Wickets fell with alarming frequency, with only PJ holding the show together. It was looking like it wouldn’t be much of a contest and it’s possible that Wardens were trying to feed us a few runs – they certainly gave away a lot of extras. When Ben showed up, Paul Smith kindly allowed him to bat and he (21 not out) and PJ (carrying his bat for 43) helped us to an at-least-we’ve-made-a-game-of-it total of 118. I swiftly draw a veil over Tim’s platinum duck.

Past history suggested that score wouldn’t be enough, but Barford put in a magnificent bowling performance, with no bad overs and very few bad balls. It pains me to say it but the main damage was done by gobshites Shawn (4-0-14-2) and Simon Morgan (3-0-15-2). Simon took the prized scalp of Paul Smith, caught and bowled off a leading edge for a golden duck. Tim (3-0-5-1) was frugal, Richard Jones chipped in with a wicket and took a spiralling catch, Ben (2-0-4-2) popped up with a couple of late wickets and a tremendous team performance was topped off by PJ pulling off a fantastic run out off the last ball. Wardens Classics ended on 87-7. Special mention should also be made of Phil’s tactic of sledging the batsmen from behind the timbers – I’m sure it gave us a distinct psychological advantage and it’s definitely something we should consider never, ever, ever doing again.

Thanks are due to Paul and the Classics team for making a contest of it, and for providing a good tea after the game.

FORZA BARFORD!

Skipper Griffin’s Nap-ton sees Hares to convincing victory

From our correspondent Simon H:

Barford notched up a big win at Napton today, thanks to a sensational maiden century from Ben, and despite Shawn dropping a catch and then kicking the ball over the boundary like Barry Chuckle.

Napton nightmares no more

It would be fair to say that Napton has not been a happy hunting ground for the Hares in recent years, and batting first was a gamble on a wicket that always offers variable bounce. Chris O’Reilly and Richard Johnson opened and made steady progress before both falling with the score on 19.

Ben Griffin: expectant father, ton-up skipper (file photo)

That bought Ben to the crease and he started slowly, taking 15 balls to get off the mark. Will, Shawn and Simon D failed to impose themselves at the other end, and we were “staring down the barrel” with the score on 66-5 at the halfway mark. Napton were bowling accurately and the constant danger of shooters and leapers made it hard to play shots with confidence, but Ben gradually picked up the scoring rate, whilst playing watchfully for his 50.

Captain Fantastic

Simon H, Phil, Laurence and Jon all came and went at the other end with varying degrees of success, as Ben began to hit out. Last man Timmsy came to the wicket with Ben’s score still in the 70’s and tension mounted in the Barford dressing room as he hit boundaries and farmed the strike. There was a nail biting moment when Tony was facing a new over, with Ben on 96, but the veteran tweaker snatched a single in a style that has yet to bother any known coaching manual, and Ben then biffed the runs that took him over 100. He ended on 110 not out, having shared a last wicket partnership of 42 with Tony, who scored just that 1. The team score was 188 and that looked a lot on a difficult track.

Ben’s ton came off 107 balls, with 18 fours and 2 sixes. 110 is the tenth highest score in the club’s history.

Ben 1-Ten

Despite some early big hitting, Napton never really looked like chasing down the total and wickets fell regularly. Laurence was the pick of the Barford bowlers with 6-19-3, including a sensational slip catch by Chris O’Reilly. Simon H, Richard Johnson, Ben, Shawn and Jon all chipped in with a wicket each, before Tony inevitably mopped up the last 2 wickets for 3 runs. Napton were 109 all out, one run less than Ben’s score.

More importantly, we had an excellent tea followed by chicken curry at the Victory Social Club in Napton.

Behind the scenes with BCC, tour preps and caption competition

With less than a month to go before the tour, Messrs Herring and O’Reilly have been spotted warming up on the beach in their ‘half thong mankinis’ in a manner similar to our TOWIE friends Bobby and Harry.

Here at Barfordcc.org.uk we’ll be with you every step of the way as the build-up continues, providing exclusive insights and content to the most hotly awaited sporting contest of the year.

Apart from the World Cup.
And the test series against Sri Lanka and India.
And Wimbledon.
And the golf.
And the rugby.
And the Commonwealth Games.

But anyway in the mean time our spy in the camp has captured ~~our illustrious Chairman giving our Secretary~~ just a bloke giving another bloke a helping hand to get it on. Your captions welcome…

Your caption goes here….

The boys are back in town…welcome back Will and Shawn

After what seems like literally hours of work and exams at ‘university’, Barford CC welcome back the greatest youth policy signings since the Manchester United “you can’t win anything with kids” double winning side of 1995-96.

We managed to catch up with them during a lull in their hectic playboy lifestyle to hand over their prizes, but who can forget their rapid runs, dramatic wickets and ferocious fielding which netted them award after award at the dinner last year?

And then of course there is their devilish good looks, which if their Facebook activity is anything to go by, make them a great hit with the ladies of Plymouth.

If you missed it the first time around here they are accepting those awards, live – via satellite / webcam.

Lock up your daughters, as the great Michael Buffer would say “Let’s get ready to rumblllllleeeeeee” (and form an orderly queue at the Badsey away dressing room on Sunday ladies…)

Barford Cricket Club